Chasing rainbow shards
Not too long ago, one of my cats, Cha Cha, fell very ill. She was diagnosed with Feline Infectious Peritonitis (FIP), a fatal disease that quickly affects the internal organs. Vet visits have since become a regular occurrence, and medication—including an injection—is now part of her daily routine.
One day, Cha Cha’s eyes became dilated and we noticed her bumping into things around her. She would walk into walls and doors without at first knowing they were there. She jumped from our chair and crashed into the ground. For a while, she sat on the textured surface of a cardboard scratching rug, tense, and staring ahead shaking. Cha Cha could not see.
Perhaps as living beings, we have a desire to survive. My partner and I immediately began reorienting her to the space around her. We made our footsteps extra loud when we walked towards her, and spent some time walking her to various important stations in her life, leading her to the food, water, toilet. But Cha Cha did not need too much guidance. She began to inch around major landmarks in her environment, feeling table legs brush past her body as she headed from one wall to another, letting the living room fan and carpet announce the presence of a nearby sofa, and gently lowering her head into her food bowl to understand its depth. She was frightened of course, but slowly ventured out into more open spaces, threading carefully from landmark to landmark. With some courage, she began to leap onto higher places, sometimes missing the spot, but at other times landing with her usual grace.
Cha Cha did slowly regain her sight after a week of injections, but her eyes remain clouded and her recovery unknown. Still, I feel comforted in her ability to adapt to her circumstances, and her intelligence in navigating her newly unfamiliar home. Witnessing her take risks despite being scared reminds me that living beings are resilient, and that even in the most unpredictable circumstances, we can still surprise ourselves.
Each morning, the early sun shines through my window and through a suncatcher crystal I have hanging. When Cha Cha can see, she loves chasing the rainbow shards that splinter across my office floor. I hope she will continue to chase rainbow shards in her life, in whatever way, shape, or form.
